A little plundering never hurt anyone.

February 24, 2002

I'm glad that more businesses are closing in and around town, because the people here just don't need jobs. We can live off the fertile land, and winters are no longer harsh. This will prevent freezing to death on the streets. Assuming that every future winter will be exactly like this one, of course, and we have no reason to believe that it won't.

No one I know has actually lost a job yet, but it's good to think ahead. There was a tabloid in the WalMart that said the next Great Depression is only weeks away, so I've been stockpiling canned goods, water, soap, warm clothing, crack, periodicals, cardboard boxes and cheese. Thank God they warned me about that one. We had some canned fruit and bottled water, but that probably wouldn't have lasted us too long in one of these Gigantic Depressions.

Can you buy crack futures on the stock market? I think those would be a good investment, because everyone loves delicious crack. I should invest in those now, before this Big Ass Depression ravishes the country.

Also, I DEMAND that Laurence Thoms of Fiji be awarded a duplicate gold in the Men's Giant Slalom. Damn biased officiating. What does the Olympic committee have against Fiji?

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1 comment:

Scarlet Pimpernel; 02-25-2002 @ 09:44 PM CST

im not actually commenting
i hope thats alright
i just wanted to make my presence felt

its a pimpernel thing