paint your wagon and come along

January 30, 2002 @ 04:58:00 AM

When I take over the country, I'm going to make two major changes:

1.) Everyone will be required to wear a beard. Women, children, and men unable to grow facial hair will be permitted to wear long, white, Santa-style fake beards. Being seen outside of your home without a beard will result in a five dollar fine.

2.) Once everyone reaches an appropriate age - fourteen or so - they will be required to annually appear before an Inquisition-like court and explain why they don't deserve a good ass kicking. If the court rules that they need an ass kicking, they'll get a beat down. Nothing too severe, just a little soreness and bruising. They'll be fine in a week.

My country is going to be the bestest ever!!!1!

(I fell asleep during Ye Olde State O' the Union Address, and I dreamed about watching political debates. My brain doesn't wander too far.)

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"I've tested positive for performance enhancing Chunky Soup."

January 28, 2002 @ 01:49:47 AM

Greymatter thinks that I might post upwards of 10 million entries. Ha, ha, ha.

But that's not what's important. The important thing is that, in netscape, hotmail conveniently features a box you can check that will highlight the first message in your inbox for deletion (as opposed to highlighting all the messages in the inbox, which it does in other browsers). It saves me all kinds of time. That is why the world loves netscape.

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I love you, Monkey Trouble.

January 24, 2002 @ 03:04:19 AM

A flock of robins landed in our yard today. This non-winter we're having around here must be throwing them off, too. I say if it's going to be this warm out, there should be baseball.

I need to call the creators of Port Charles and ask them where I can get some of those shirts with random cut-outs they're so in love with. "Let's put her in a sweater with a big chunk sliced out of the back!"

Again with the needing more scotch....

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There's crack in the fridge.

January 22, 2002 @ 04:24:16 AM

I find that doing nothing all day but having Sims marry multiple people and drown their neighbors leaves little fodder for decent updates. Also, when I go to sleep in pain, I dream all day about having to go to the doctor. Sometimes the dreams are nightmarish and all about the anxiety, and sometimes they're vaguely soothing.

I'm still waiting for the dull abdominal pain to go away. Any time now, pain.

There were dental appointments scheduled for today, but Michael has had the flu and canceled his. I didn't go, either, because I didn't want to. I slept instead, and then drowned Sims.

Jumble.com doesn't appear to have online jumbles anymore (aside from the TV jumble). Alas.

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luck, be my crackwhore tonight

January 15, 2002 @ 03:40:21 AM

I don't know what it is, but the site hasn't felt right to me since I switched hosts and axed blogger. It's stupid, because things are very much the same between hosts (except that I have more features now), and they're none too involved in the site itself anyway. It just feels different now. I think it was all the changes at once, coupled with being almost completely on hiatus during November. Change is so not my thing.

Also, I have yet to figure out how to access my site stats on my new host. It's a good thing I have the sitemeter to obsessively check where all my hits are coming from.

On the plus side, I did restore a bunch of my blogger templates from late 2000. They were on a stylesheet I was forced to butcher, which pushed me to do the repairs, but they needed it anyway. That Christmas 2000 layout was ugly enough without the links showing up in pink. That clashed horribly with the iceman, who was (and still is) chilling.

I seem to have lost all ability to type a decent paragraph. I may post my novel to fanfiction.net, though, with every occurrence of the word "the" changed to "monkey". Observe:

... monkey vampires’ center of evil operations was only a few blocks away from monkey Dirt Cheap, monkey last refuge of monkey persecuted smoker and home of monkey beloved Dirt Cheap chicken. monkey guys went monkeyre often to stake out sources of human blood and throw garbage at that wanker in monkey chicken outfit. Rarely did monkeyy go monkeyre and avoid a brief run in with monkey creepy homeless guy and his blue cane. monkeyy occasionally considered killing him and snacking on his liquor infused blood, but decided instead to laugh at his drunken follies. He was hilarious, falling into monkey dumpster and ranting about monkey evils of monkey government....

There are a few blocks in the road, but still, it reads like a dream, and may actually be better than some of that marching band fic I skimmed.

I still need more scotch.

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I like pie as much as ever, thank you.

January 14, 2002 @ 05:33:47 AM

So I'm reading some Tom Glavine/Greg Maddux slash, and I'm thinking, "You know, if Tom Glavine is the one writing this, it's kind of touching."

Is everyone else getting really psyched for Britney's movie? If she wants to have sex with me as much as my email leads me to believe, she needs to give me better contact info. I never seem to track her down when I reply. I know she's really busy with her career and all, but you'd think she could make time to reply to one little email. It's not like she's sending these illicit messages to everyone. I'm pretty sure it's only me she wants. Which is sad, because while I am a huge fan of her music and fashions, I don't like like her. We can maybe hang out at a NASCAR race and get cotton candy, but I won't be making her any toast in the morning, if you know what I mean.

I need more scotch.

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I just found glitter in my eyebrow.

January 11, 2002 @ 05:32:18 AM

The past few days, I've been so busy thinking about all the things that I need to do that I've accomplished nothing. Rock on, me. I'm also still in pain, but not as much pain. And I have a dental appointment on the twenty-first, because it's important to have a professional check one of the few parts of my body I actually take care of on my own.

I've rediscovered some of the joy of The Sims after installing the House Party and Hot Date expansion packs (and after Michael made that really sweet Al Hrabosky in his Hot Shots jersey skin). Our latest thing is building houses on top of giant pyramids made by raising the land as high as possible with one of the terrain tools. My next plan is to make a huge pyramid and put a floating house hovering above it. That seems like a suitable home for Superman and Mr. T.

I'm still finding glitter all over the place from a shirt I wore on New Year's Eve. That stuff really gets around.

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"You heard both sides. Now it's deliberatin' time!"

January 07, 2002 @ 04:52:02 AM

Blah. Last day of winter vacation for Michael. And my leaving the house on a daily basis is so intertwined with his going to school it feels like the end of my holiday season, too.

Most of my time since the start of 2002 has been spent contemplating the dull ache on the lower right side of my abdomen. I'm pretty well convinced that it is not appendix related, because there's no more pain when I press on it (and it just doesn't hurt that much, really). It's major cause for alarm is its persistence. I think a week is enough time for whatever it is to at least give me a sign that it plans to run away on its own.

I know I should be off making a doctor's appointment to investigate. The only things holding me back are my (insane) fear of doctors and hatred of visiting them when my problem might be nothing. Don't get me wrong - there is a large, sensible part of my that is tickled quite pink when I find out I'm in no medical danger. If only that other part of me which feels like an idiot who wasted people's times (and subjected myself to poking and pricking and whatnot) would come around.

I should probably go ahead and get this checked out just to make my brain shut up. Constant fretting is even more draining when you can't sleep because every position you try hurts. But seriously, the worrying has been the most painful thing to this point.

So I haven't been the merriest person you'll find to start the New Year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this one perks up for me. Also, I'm cutting the interesting bits out of old magazines so I can throw them away and rooting for the Rams. Go, Rams. You sure didn't suck this season.

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man, that sucker's huge

January 04, 2002 @ 02:08:19 AM

I don't much cotton to that updating lately, do I? I am alive, though, and I had a decent enough Christmas (even if it was mostly celebrated on the wrong days) and I rang in my fifth consecutive New Year online (kind of sad, but there was at least someone else awake in the house this time around). I have the Christmas decorations down, both on the site and in my room, and am almost totally over the fact that the majority of the college bowl games I watched turned out all wrong.

There still isn't any snow. The South gets snow, but not me? That's horribly unfair.

The important thing is that I've read a lot of really bad novels, and now I'm back to my usual screwing around online and still not answering the hordes of email that's been sitting in my inbox since October. And I like the stupid pirate snowman.

Yeah, I've got nothing and an assload of empty adjectives. I think I'll try this again later.

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