February 27, 2002
This afternoon, I woke up in the middle of a dream in which I was running from an evil organization bent on destroying me. I knew too much. But I foiled their plan, apparently, and after hiding out with the owner of an Italian restaurant for a bit, I decided to go to the media for protection. I would speak to Bob Costas, and Bob Costas alone. I blame the current All My Children story line and the Olympics for that one.
I chuckle every time it occurs to me that Chris Pronger now owns a gold medal. First he brought Christy Mathewson forward in time in my bad novel, and now he's won the gold. He does it all.
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February 24, 2002
I'm glad that more businesses are closing in and around town, because the people here just don't need jobs. We can live off the fertile land, and winters are no longer harsh. This will prevent freezing to death on the streets. Assuming that every future winter will be exactly like this one, of course, and we have no reason to believe that it won't.
No one I know has actually lost a job yet, but it's good to think ahead. There was a tabloid in the WalMart that said the next Great Depression is only weeks away, so I've been stockpiling canned goods, water, soap, warm clothing, crack, periodicals, cardboard boxes and cheese. Thank God they warned me about that one. We had some canned fruit and bottled water, but that probably wouldn't have lasted us too long in one of these Gigantic Depressions.
Can you buy crack futures on the stock market? I think those would be a good investment, because everyone loves delicious crack. I should invest in those now, before this Big Ass Depression ravishes the country.
Also, I DEMAND that Laurence Thoms of Fiji be awarded a duplicate gold in the Men's Giant Slalom. Damn biased officiating. What does the Olympic committee have against Fiji?
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February 18, 2002
He didn't even have to report for spring training yet, and Drew's already sprained his ankle. I know injuries are his thing, but that's getting ridiculous.
One can only hope that he's just getting injuries out of his system early, and won't be breaking any bones this year. Or, one can throw batteries at him. Whichever floats one's boat.
I love you, spring training.
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February 18, 2002
I think my favorite Olympic sports are the ones where a difference of three hundreths of a second decides whether you win gold or nothing. I also enjoy the sports that involve a lot of sliding.
Last night, I spent several hours reading and laughing heartily at my "Cardinals Roleplay" from the 2000 season. I forgot how fun it was to go back the next day and see what raves the Miss Saigon chat regulars had for my roleplay:
Sara on 17-Apr-00 at 10:05 PM from [ancient ip address] (Sara)
I'm still not getting this whole cardnal rp thing.
And:
Eliot on 20-Apr-00 at 11:36 PM from [ancient ip address] (Les)
make it stop
Dessen on 20-Apr-00 at 11:37 PM from [ancient ip address] (Random Revolutionary)
I think she just did, thank God.
Eliot on 20-Apr-00 at 11:40 PM from [ancient ip address] (Les)
Let's hope
(And I just had stopped, only two and a half hours before they posted.)
And even:
Eliot on 26-Aug-00 at 01:29 PM from [ancient ip address] (Les)
Lord, you have to be pretty damned bored to sit there and do that for an hour by yourself...not to mention mentaly unstable...And who the hell is Akuma and why don't I trust him...
(Akuma, from Friendly Faces! He's even on the archived page!)
And, my personal favorite:
Eliot on 20-Apr-00 at 12:35 PM from [ancient ip address] (Les)
Who the hell is that????!!!!!
Dessen on 20-Apr-00 at 01:22 PM from [ancient ip address] (Random Revolutionary)
Just how I wanted to spend my break .. fram shopping! * will be on 'round 10:30 CDT* And it's that LM girl.
(I know just how s/he felt: I hate fram shopping, especially while on break.)
Well, I guess those comments would make more sense if you saw how good my scripts were. In one of them, I used the phrase "Grand Slam Breakfast" in every post.
Mark on 16-Apr-00 at 08:03 PM from [ancient ip address] (CuteLilPig)
You shut your mother, boy, or I'll take you out of that 5-man rotation faster than you can say "Tough Actin' Tenactin"!
(I bet I meant "mouth" instead of "mother" in that one.)
As sad as it is that I kept all that crap, I'm glad I did. Some of my scripts there were so painfully bad, I think I could write for All My Children. I plan to fax them right over, and they will call me back to see how soon I can write a resolution to the Proteus case that involves everyone going out for ice cream.
I'm going to get right on getting a life, now. That and sleeping.
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February 14, 2002
If I cared, I'm sure I would be devastated that I have no date for Valentine's Day. As it is, I'm just really happy I don't have to buy any extra people stuff. I saw no fewer than twelve guys (and two or three of the ladies) buying last minute cards and stuffed creatures at the Hallmark store yesterday afternoon.
Do you think NBC is unhappy with Bob Costas' drunken reporting, or that they think it's adding some much needed spice to the Winter Olympics?
Reporter: "Why don't you like being called Harry Potter?"
Simon Amman: "Because I'm not Harry Potter!"
So I'm thinking I might get myself some more RAM for Valentine's Day. (I was going to do that for Christmas, but I got distracted.) Then, maybe the Sims will stop taking five minutes to get going, and I can get straight to building houses atop gigantic pyramids or deep within huge pits or atop gigantic pyramids that climb up from deep within huge pits.
Thank God pitchers and catchers are reporting tomorrow.
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February 08, 2002
Yesterday, we had a dog for roughly four hours. I awoke to the sound of a howling dog in my living room, and discovered that Mom had brought in a stray to rescue him from the circling animal control truck. (It reminded me of those nightmares I have where Mom brings in a stray dog.) The dog promptly ate all of the cat's food, and then freaked out when Mom tried to take him out to the garage. He whined as loudly as possible any time people were out of his sight. He also jumped on me, and my legs broke out in hives where his nails scratched them.
Slightly longer story short, Mom called around and located his owner within hours. He had escaped his yard when they put him out to crap in it the night before, collarless because he had just been given a bath. He was a young dog who had never been out on his own before, last night was colder than most have been this "winter", and he was apparently being chased by the dog catchers. Not a good day for him.
In the meantime, the cat went and peed on Mom's bed, letting us know that she will take none of that bringing in dogs shit. She sure knows how to make her point.
And this is what passes as an adventure around here lately. Maybe I'll start a meth lab, just to stir things up.
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February 06, 2002
Look, another googlewhack!
"indubitably polycystic" [kerplunk!]
I really need to come up with another method of finding those.
In your face, real content! (Real content coming soon.)
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February 02, 2002
I spent a few hours last night looking for Googlewhacks. It's a fun time, and it will only get harder as more people do it, so I figured I should get it out of my system now.
Screen captures are included to prove that, at the time I did it, there was indeed only one result on google for these word pairs:
"emulsified harlot" [whack!]
"unmentionable emulsification" [pow!]
"metastatic xylophone" [zap!]
"numerological pertussis" [bam!]
"diastolic xenophobe" [mint!]
"sassafras hyperextension" [kablammo!]
(The number of times each word in the pair appeared on google when searched individually is tacked on next to the results.)
My method last night of finding them was, for the most part, to put a somewhat obscure medical term with a random other word. It took me close to an hour to find something that worked with "sassafras". I also found a few results that included the word "crackwhore", but that one doesn't qualify as a real word.
A few of those would make good band names, but I'd have to go with Emulsified Harlot. Maybe Metastatic Xylophone. It depends on what type of music we end up playing.
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