May 28, 2002
Oh, tasty-pirate, what to do with you? Hosting is paid up for the rest of the year. Now I just need to start updating again, or rearrange content so it's less obvious I never update.
On an unrelated note, my favorite aspect of Episode II was that Jar Jar was heavily involved in the creation of the Empire. Doesn't that just beat all?
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May 22, 2002
Dear 90% of My Random Readers,
1.) I don't know Mike Piazza very well. If he says he isn't gay, I'll just have to believe him, no matter what his hair looked like around the All-Star break last season.
2.) The Simpsons is (unfortunately) on Fox's schedule for next fall.
In addition, you'll have to look elsewhere for all varieties of porn: incest, underage incest, gay incest, sex with grandma, or monkey fuck wife. You won't find it here. For the most part, I hope you can't find it anywhere. (Unless you wanted a really bad, unfinished Les Mis porn script. That's a base I've got covered.)
Thank you, pull up to the first window. Or head back to Google and try again.
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May 14, 2002
It didn't rain today. I was a little confused at first, because the sky was so blue and there wasn't a constant flow of water into the basement. But now, I'm starting to remember how life was those two long weeks ago, before the start of the rainy season.
The rain stopped before I found a chance to purchase the canoe and pole I planned to use to navigate the standing water in our basement. I wouldn't have been surprised to spot some gators down there, possibly being wrestled by Steve Irwin and his shorts. (Does that guy even own other clothes, or is he like a cartoon character, with a closet full of identical tan shorts?) I was maybe going to put some hanging plants and vines on the ceiling and introduce frogs for atmosphere. And I could have made a crude wooden sign, declaring the area "Jim-Bob's Bayou." It would've saved my mom all that mopping.
Things could have been worse. Had our roof not been fixed last year, our house may well have been filling up above and below us. Then I would have needed a canoe, a pole and an umbrella. As it is, the basement is already drying out, so I'm thinking I'll put some diamondbacks and cacti down there, and maybe open up a Hey, Dude like ranch and hire David Brisbin to play Mr. Earnst. I assume he needs work.
So now, the question is: Is there still time to plant the corn, or should I switch to soybeans?
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May 06, 2002
Spiders, get off the keyboard. Don't make me scoop you up in a Steak 'n Shake cup and put you on the porch. It'll save you the time of crawling back under the door and into the house.
It was a most exciting weekend, to be sure. On Friday, there was an outing to the local WalMart and the purchase of new stereo equipment, which was later set up in the sitting room. Saturday, we paid visit to the not-so-local Best Buy, where we purchased nothing. Sunday was spent lounging at the estate.
Or something. I'm very, very sober and very, very bored, as they said on my TV. And I'm going to be forced to take that spider all the way into the yard if it shows up again. That's about as medieval as I ever get on anything's ass.
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