ask a stereotypical pirate... arrrchives!

Added 02/01/01:


an angry boy

Arrr, I be busy with the plunderin' much of the time! Arrr. There be no reason to "cough gag arrrrrrg". Arrr!

what would you do if a crazed oompa-loompa tried to maul you to death?
jeffy D

I'd plunder him but good, then ship him back to the Willy Wonka factory to perform slave labor. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

what would you do if you woke up one morning and realized that a chimp had eaton your trousers!

Arrr, I reckon I'd plunder a new pair of trousers, if he ate all of me trousers. Arrr. If he just ate one pair, I have others. Arrrrr!

Don't you have anything better to do?

Arrr, no. It be depressin'.

arrr!!! ye best beware, steriotypical pirate! i be comin after ya!i be mad at ye, because last week ye stole some of me treasure!!!!! ARR!! ye son of a #$@#! no offense to yer mother, im sure she was nice, but in any case, ARRRR!!!!!!!!!!! BEWARE THE SEAFARING MAN WITH ONE LEG!(thats me)
Blackbeard the pirate

If I had a shiny nickel fer every time I heard that, I wouldn't need yer treasure! Arrrrr! Arrr-dee-arrrr-arrrr!



ohh yeaa


~*an angry pirate hobbet with a shotgun who forgot his name


forgot his name

Arrr, since ye' be a pirate, odds are yer name be "Pete". If ye' missin' leg, perhaps ye' have a name like "Peg Leg Pete". Or, if ye' have a beard, perhaps ye' be "Grey Beard Pete" or "Red Beard Pete". If not, ye' should just call yerself Pete. Arrrr.

How come every time i say arg me matey! an angry pirate siks his parrot on me?

The obvious solution be to stop sayin' that around pirates. Arrr. 'Tis askin' fer trouble.

Do you eat babies? I do.
Petra, Queen of the Damned

Arrr, I be not French, if that's what ye' mean. Arrrr!

are pirates dumb

Arrr, some. It often comes down to how much we be drinkin'. Arrrrr!

tell me, why is it that everytime i try to become a pirate, my parrot i buy savagly attacks me! I thought a pirate's parrot was supposed to be loyal! help me please!!!!
Super Jeff

Yer mistake be that ye' be buyin' the parrots. Arrr. Ye' should plunder 'im. Then, he'll understand he be a pirate's parrot, and should be loyal. Arrrr!

Which gender is the grander sir? Please render total candor if you could, Sir Pirate. Forgive me for intruding monsieur, but perhaps you know the identity of the Scarlet Pimpernel?
Lady Marguerite Blakeney

Arrr, do it be the Reign of Terror? Shiver me timbers! I be not ready for another of those... damned guillotines everywhere ye' look.

Arrr, and methinks it be Percy. Arrrrrr! I still be kickin' meself for not further plunderin' his ship, but that be beside the point.

I don't have a boat. Do you think it would instill fear into people if I raised the jolly roger flag from my car antenna and at red lights yelled "If ye does not give up peacefully their will be no quarter!" After that I would proceed with the car-jacking. Hmmm I don't have a plank for people to walk either will the hood do?
Captain SicFish

Arrr, 'tis a good plan! Just remember, ye' should be wieldin' a gun, and perhaps ye' should have a man-eatin' tiger to attack yer victims after they fall off the hood. Arrr! Them motorists will shakin' in their boots. Nothin' scares 'em like a Jolly Roger reference!

I wis on dar sea. When I saws me a giant fish. Ar, never seen one so large in m'life. So I gathered up ye maty's and we climbed abor' m'ship. If the fish were white, where were we?
Lil' joe

Arrr, I be no ichthyologist, but I reckon ye' stumbled across a school of albino fish near the Arctic. Arrr, good fer ye'!

im having a problem with my trigonometry and was wondering if you could help me. I keep mixing up the hypotenuse and the oppisite. any suggestions?

Arrr, the hypotenuse on a right triangle be the side that doesn't help form a ninety-degree angle, methinks. Arrr... I was never good at the math. Perhaps ye' should talk with yer teacher, instead of a pirate.

Dear mr pirarate
last night i was watching tv, on the tv i saw a commercial for a pirate school for drop out failure loser pirates. and i swear to god i saw YOU in one of the classrooms. is it true..... are you.... a drop out.....?


Arrr, no! I be offended ye' would suggest it!

There be schools specifically for pirates? Arrrr....

why do pirates have parrots?
Why do all ye pirates have parrots?
Sandy peamony

At first, I thought it be because "pirate" and "parrot" sound alike. Arrr. Then, I decided it be because pirates used to plunder valuable items from far-off lands, and parrots be good fer the sellin'. Arrr, but the pirates get attached to certain parrots, and 'tis fun to have a flyin' animal out on the seas. Arrr, these days, I reckon it just be tradition.

Arrrr.... I need a drink.


Added 01/24/01:

Arrgh and greetings. Do ye deck your pirate ship with the Christmas lights?

Arr, aye! But only for the Christmas time. And sometimes for the partyin'.

I need to take those down. Arrr.

Have you ever tried priceline.com? You know, naming your own price on airline tickets and hotel reservations is a lot like plundering towns.
William Shatner

Arrr, William Shatner! I enjoyed yer work in such shows as Third Rock From the Sun! Arrr! I have little need fer the priceline.com, what with the plunderin' and gettin' around on me ship. Arrr, and I be thinkin' they be going bankrupt, but I don't know about that. Not as much as I know about plunderin'... arrr!

I spent New Year's Eve alone! I didn't have any sexy pirate boy to kiss...I thought you said you loved me and that we would be together! ARE YOU SEEING ANOTHER WENCH!? WHAT'S HER NAME!? HOW COULD YOU!!!??? ::cries::
Your Favorite Wench

Arrr, I spent New Year's Eve passed out in me privy. I reckon 'twould have been better to be with ye'. Ar.

I be seein' several other wenches, but I be bad with names. Arrr! 'Tis easy when there be enough liquor!

arrrrrr matey, Were can I find a eye patch for me parrot. Got me ship wrecked in sf
sean canavan

Ye' could try makin' an eye patch yerself with cloth and a strip of elastic. Arrr. Or ye' could look at patches fer the wee ones. Arrr, I find most parrots just pull off their eye patches and chew them up, so probably 'tis more trouble than it be worth. Arrr! Unless ye' have a one-eyed parrot, and then ye' should be able to get an eye patch from yer vet. Arrr!

Are most pirates gay?
Pirate Guy

Aye! Arrr, I reckon we be merry because o' the drinkin' and plunderin'! Arrrr!

Who killed Mr. Smith?!?!
Usagi 091

Arrr, 'twas not Pete 35 and Cap'n Red Hat in a drunken rage, that be fer sure! Arrrr! I didn't see a thing!

Help me oh wise steroetypical pirate! I have fallen in love with a priest and have been in love with him for nigh 8 years. What should I do?
sadly deluded wench

Arrr, I reckon ye' need to do some partyin' and drinkin'. Ye' should be able to find the man fer ye' if ye' get drunk enough. Arrr! And if that doesn't work, at least ye'll have more fun with the partyin' than the pinin'! Arrr!

What is the meaning of life?

It means different things to different people. Arrr! I think it has somethin' to with plunderin'.

last night I was walking home when I was suddenly ambushed by a clan of angry lawn gnomes, a pirate came to my aid, but it was too late. i had been beaton to a pulp, the pirate then took advantage of my misforune and took all my plunder. What ever happened to the pirate code?

Arrr, I though that was the pirate code: Plunder, plunder, plunder! And troll fer wenches and drink and raise parrots! Arrrr! Perhaps I be mistaken.

I heard the pirate invented the tater tott. Is that true?

Arrr, no. But once, I plundered a ship that be carryin' a load of tater tots. Arrr, perhaps that be what ye' heard about. We was eatin' tater tots for nigh two months! Arrr... if I ever be seein' the tater tots again, I reckon I'll pass them up.


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