see also:
Disturbing Search Requests
tasty-pirate.org

other stuff:
about lawnpig
all-time favorite search requests
entries I've posted to DSR

greymatter archives:
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blogger archives:
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11/18/2001 - 12/07/2001

shout out to:
greymatter

 

 

June 29, 2003 @ 02:32:37 AM

Just SLuTs and Nothing Butt! "dirty sluts"
Either this person was looking for a specific site, or they've seen enough porn sites to start guessing at names.

yahoo women getting fucked in cunt whole pics.com
I like "yahoo women getting fucked in cunt random chunks cut out of the pics.com" better.

r no pay no membership no download nude pictures of girls
r?

pirate off channels t.v.
That's illegal and bad, I think!

will eat pussy oregon
It's about damn time you let Oregon know that.

"i love child pornography"
I don't. I like pie, though.

phantom sex passwords
Not to be confused with figment sex passwords.

+"a big penis" +"better than"
Sex?

Mary-Kate and Ashley Deserve Even More Comments:
dude from down the street on 06-28-2003 @ 05:19 AM CDT says: "can u send me some mary kate and ashley porn there sooooo fucking HOTT"
(I hear Mary-Kate and Ashley get really "hott" when people use the correct forms of there, they're and their.)

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June 28, 2003 @ 03:39:01 AM

Mary Kate and and other girls.com
I hear Ashley is amongst them.

lily faye mike livejournal
Well, I have heard of livejournal...

pointless email surveys
The less point, the better!

pregnant elf pics
New slaves for Santa!

wife fuck two dick story
At the same time? Cool! She's a real gamer!

young grils come to u fuck
It doesn't make sense!

grils how are 14 years old getting fucked
It just kind of happens.

slong
Bye!

link    

June 27, 2003 @ 02:37:28 AM

WWW.BAD Grils.com
boys grils 10 having sex
SEX WITH GRILS UNDER 14 YEARS
nude grils age 9 and 10 year old with a hot pussy
Hooray for grills!

www.i like fat girls.com
And I have nothing against them, myself.

do mary-kate and ashley olsen have any naked pictures here
Nope.

chevy's fresh mex birthday song
"Happy, happy birthday,
From all of us to you.
We wish it was our birthday,
So we'd get head lice, too!
Hey!"

i want to be a pirate
I want to sell counterfeit cheese.

vacuuming paradise
I have two tickets to vacuuming paradise.

what happened to nifty.org
I don't know, but, like Urkel, I didn't do it.

pics of pimping penguins
It's always so sad when penguins are reduced to prostitution.

link    

June 26, 2003 @ 03:16:35 AM

just nude pictures of grandma fucking a dog
But it's so much more than just that!

neopets port charles
I thought the next arc would be Port Charles: I Stay Heated.

"fucked my " piss OR pee cum -join -members
Players are gonna play...

phantom and christine portrait
... haters are gonna hate...

marie-kate und ashley
... rainy days und Mondays always fuck me up.

cum card.com
The autographed ones are even rarer!

large breasts + playboy
Really? I'd never noticed a connection.

"has the cock now"
And she better treat it right.

nude 14 years old nudists champ photo gallery
They won!

"chipper jones" penis size
I know his penis inside and out, and it's lovely.

albert pujols and wife swimsuit photo
Albert Pujols sucks. SUCKS!!!

Recent Comments, Not All About Olsens:

jeepster on 06-25-2003 @ 02:28 PM CDT says: "where can u get free pics of girls 11-14 nude?"
(Not here, nor do I want any. jeepster came here on a search for "13-14 year old" penis size, so it's probably safe to assume he's around the same age as the people he'd like to see nude.)

Dude on 06-25-2003 @ 09:37 PM CDT says: "My birthday is the same day as mary kate and ashley... when they turn 18, i will turn 20... I think we should have a orgy birthday party together."
(That sounds fun! Dude came here on a search for nude pics of mary kate and ashley olsen. I found it a little shocking.)

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June 24, 2003 @ 08:09:26 PM

eponine and marius
Together at Last... In Death!

retarded baby animals games
Are the baby animals retarded, or is this targeted towards retarded people?

"frog shaped" birthday cake
:|:|:| Ribbit!

canadian underage monkey porn
Exactly as fun as a barrel of underage monkeys having sex in Canada, and that doesn't sound fun at all. Also, do the age of monkey consent laws vary from province to province, or is there a national law? I'm not up on my Canadian monkey porn.

how to swallow your own cum
1. Ejaculate.
2. Swallow resulting fluids.

www.history of women in the nude.com
The History Channel is getting so ratings-hungry.

mike matheny nude
I'd look, but I wouldn't go out of my way.

sar
... s?

tasty pussy for boys to eat
The trick is to marinate it overnight before cooking.

grils with no boss
They tend to sit, uselessly, on the back patio. It's sad, really.

pics of little boys chests
Hope chests?

jim edmonds photos of all times
"Here we see JIM EDMONDS in 1890s style baseball gear..."

wenches clothing from pirate days
Ahoy!

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June 23, 2003 @ 05:40:41 PM

homepage my brother my pussy
It's about her life in general.

funny shit to do at walmart
Purchase tires.

child and porn and suck and cum and st
I can't believe they let someone name a street that!

no oh cum incest
"No, Ohio! Incest is wrong!"

spanking requests
Name: Bill
Email: iamsobill@bilsisp.net
Request: plz spank me, kthx!!!

young 13 year old grils
That actually sounds kind of old for a grill.

download the song Big Bad Cat From Rugrats Gone Wild
I have a feeling that I will never offer this on my site.

mom i want to make you pregnant cum inside boy cock
"Ask your father, honey."

sixteen hundred costume
I only have time to make three.

Mary-kate and ashley twins olsen hose party and boy
The whole party consisted of Mary Kate and Ashley hosing down the guy who lives next door, plus chips and juice.

"you're a leprechaun" bathroom
I wish my bathroom was a leprechaun.

Trot Nixon
That is the prettiest name.

madden 2003 cheat naked cheerleaders
Really?!?@?!??! Wow!

blowjops
Ha!

I also got a hit with a non-working link back from Ask Jeeves for "were pirates gay." The answer: Yes. Yes, they were. And so is Brian Giles.

The Little Comment That Did:
john on 06-22-2003 @ 02:26 PM CDT says: "hey"
(Hi! He came here from this entry I posted to DSR.)

link    

June 22, 2003 @ 02:59:52 AM

weird cum eating with cake
Because you can't have a proper weird cum eating party without a dessert.

roy boy tattoos.pics
I don't like tattoos, but good luck with that.

gay pic photo dog horse bear
"We'll be having same sex relations with increasingly threatening animals, on the next Gay Pic Photo!"

Little Boys Peeing In Th
I hate it when searchers leave me with cliffhangers like this...

13 y e a r o l d g i r l s g e t t i n g f u c k
T h e s p a c e s m a k e e a l l t h e d i f f e r e n c e .

your momma is such a whore
On the one hand, I'm offended. On the other hand, it's so nice to see someone use the right version of "your/you're." I'm torn.

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June 21, 2003 @ 12:21:41 AM

pick up lines for phonesex
"Hey, baby. I know where there's a dead raccoon."

cat shit is tasty
I'm glad to hear you like it.

Lucas Johnson Illini beer
It's a little like Billy Beer.

political assilum
Maybe, but first you'll have to learn how to spell it.

look at my hot pic mother
"That's nice, dear. I'll put it on my desk at work."

fun games for 10 year old grils
That particular misspelling still always cracks me up.

he don't know who is daddy is ho!
And sadly, this person was short an "h."

Stupid Olsen Twins Comment:
Dark Batwhacker on 06-20-2003 @ 10:54 PM CDT says: "Arrr my twin ugly kate and marry ashleys! i will stick your holes with my peg leg and me paret and when done and its i will take your vriginety so stick it up now"
(I don't think this person is taking his Olsen twins banging seriously enough. They're "vriginety" is no joking matter!)

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June 20, 2003 @ 03:31:29 AM

placido polanco naked
Can I package that one with Pat Burell?

pictures of chinese girls got rape
Those t-shirts are pretty tasteless.

W00! download sites
heLLz yEah!

link and zelda +nude +drawing +gay
Did Zelda get a sex change?

love ashley, hate mary kate
"And I can't tell them apart!"

And Now, An Olsen Twins Comment:
superfuck on 06-19-2003 @ 02:18 PM CDT says: "mary kate and ashley you can come over and we can fuck three ways"
(With a name like "superfuck," they should expect at least three ways. He came here on a search for hot mary kate and ashley olsen sex.)

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June 19, 2003 @ 02:38:28 AM

62nd homerun baseball auction
I have a large collection of 62nd homerun balls that I need to unload...

+hilarious +comic +sex +tits
That does sound hilarious!

men in sanitary napkin pics
Are they in prison?

14 year old nude girl that want my dick
She has a big case of penis envy.

mike matheny's song
It's about his deep loving of catching that ball.

best things true funny .edu pictures nude
Is it just me, or did this search take an unexpected turn in the middle?

Good Taco
(It just fetched his paper.)

18 year old girl pussy have with two 12 year old boy
"My cat's had it with those twelve-year-old boys! I'm calling their moms!"

to say the least. angelfire
Darn tootin'.

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June 18, 2003 @ 03:34:35 AM

mary kate and asyley nude pictureand have blowjops
mary kate and ashley bear ass naked
I'm not sure what a blowjop is, but I'm really interested in seeing the Olsen twins' naked bear.

rape children"buddy icon"
Putting aside the evilness for a moment, how does one depict this in buddy icon form?

"buddy icon" "asthma"
I'm envisioning an inhaler.

"todd zeile" dance
It's less like the chicken dance than you might have guessed.

how can you make my pussy cum for me?
Latex novelties.

the last refuge of the persecuted smoker
And remember: The more she drinks, the better you look.

+arr +"me parrot" +queen
Aye, the plunderin'! ("Queen?")

nude sex pics(of the 1800s}.com
That is one fucked up URL.

javert 24601
I don't care how big of a fan you are. It's not a good name for your son.

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June 16, 2003 @ 04:14:54 AM

"the sims" AND hooker AND do
It would be pretty fun to pick up hookers for your Sims.

nutrition facts of cum
Are you going to have them tattooed on your penis?

nude naked boys boys sex pictures santa having
I love the subtle inclusion of "santa" in this search.

pics I found of my nude teen daughter
Happy Father's Day! (Well, it was when I got the hit.)

pictures of jim and john having sex
And thus, Jimmy John's sandwiches were born.

porno gay meth viagra
Gay meth?

What is wrong with breast sucking or fucking
That depends on the circumstances. Possibly nothing.

do girls fuck boys with penis
No.

Olsen! Twins! Comments!
casey on 06-15-2003 @ 10:42 AM CDT says: "you guys are like my romodels your so awsome"
(Note: I believe "romodels" means "robot models.")

joe; 06-15-2003 @ 10:43 AM CDT says: "i wanna fuck you"
(As you may have guessed from the time stamps, casey and joe are the same person. Or, at least, they were from the same computer. I thought it was a pretty sharp shift in tone from one comment to the next.)

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June 15, 2003 @ 03:02:53 AM

do you have nude picher of men that i can see free
Nope. Not even if you spell it right.

lolita sucks monkey dick
Didn't like that story, eh?

"birth control" cum pussy
That may make all the difference.

beer presidente pics
I don't get this one.

how do you fix ingrown hairs
I usually just pull them out, but that's probably not the best advice.

fuck banana horse cum
Horses always get so turned on by those bananas...

Some of the Best Olsen Twins Comments Ever:
g on 06-14-2003 @ 03:56 PM CDT says: "they can't act for shiiit"
(It's hard to argue with that.)

Horney bob on 06-14-2003 @ 06:03 PM CDT says: "I wanna fuck both of you till the cows come home. I wanna fuck you brains out. PS if the are any nude pic sites of them i wanna know"
(Suggested add-on to this post: "And I don't got any cows!" Also, BWAHAHAHAHAHA!)

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June 14, 2003 @ 03:18:16 AM

"rap females" top 10
This fits well with the general content of my site.

stories about girls "playing d
"Defense! Defense! Defense!"

fat fucking kate dale
That bitch! (I don't know who she is.)

Ode to Recreation
Recreation does kick ass. I like paddle boats.

fucking his girlfriend cum -chronological
I find it hard to believe that the word "chronological" was sneaking into a lot of the results, skewing the direction of the search.

"ass";"her";"thermometer in";"clips"
Wait... Her ass was in a thermometer?

daddy's 13 year old whore pics.
Awww. These hits are always so heartwarming.

w.w.w.moms pussy.com
I get a lot of hits with an unnecessary "www." at the beginning, but the "w.w.w." is a new one for me.

i need a cute cat picture to insert into my aim profile
Good luck to you. I recommend Google's Image Search.

boys wearing girls underwear and peeing in them with photos
And then they had to eat the olives.

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June 13, 2003 @ 01:01:14 AM

penisenlargement pills lauren
"Lauren! Bring me more penisenlargement pills! The first dose didn't work!"

torii hunter great catch pic
It shouldn't be too hard to find. He does it all the time.

Link peeing zelda
How did she get into his bladder?

sluts, skanks and hoes
I'm getting kind of sick of these reality shows.

free daddy makes daughter have a gangbang story
It ends with his incarceration.

"Cum Eating" facts
Nutrition facts?

a naked woman with a baby in the tummy
SHE ATE IT!!

look in my pussy
Or in my eyes. Whichever.

"pirate" "steal his uniform"
But he needs it for his game against the Devil Rays!

annoying marineland commercial
"Everybody looooves Marineland!"

link    

June 12, 2003 @ 01:49:31 AM

Bob Costas nude
And hopefully, oiled up.

view of the old books
Every last one of them, please.

Naked girls in a water!
The Gulf of Mexico!

pirate type arr
Blood type?

secret pirate knots
I promised them I wouldn't reveal the secrets, and then they promised not to kill me, so...

mary-kate on spanking kids
I don't know them, but I'd imagine it would go something like this: "Ashley and I both think that spanking is totally barbaric, and we would never spank our kids. Buy our products at Walmart!"

pictures I've cum on
They didn't scan all that clearly.

gay nudist males of chicago with their nude pictures to see
I picture them as fat and hairy, wearing only Cubs hats and eating deep dish pizzas and sausages.

link    

June 11, 2003 @ 02:44:37 AM

I'm very happy with having received the following hits:
aim icon pickle,
Bill Braski is a son of a bitch, and
cws funny farm emails

hot 12 year olds with big fake tits
Think there are any twelve-year-olds with implants? That's a little premature.

how to get pussy for 12 year old boys
My advice for all twelve-year-olds looking to get laid: YOU'RE TWELVE! Go hit the Playstation or join a soccer team or something. (This advice also applies to twelve-year-olds who want implants.)

nude OR naked OR modeling OR pics OR love OR cute OR tender "underage boys"
There's a pretty big difference between "naked" and "cute" or "tender."

convince suck dick
Offer money. A lot. (Threatening the lives of loved ones is also effective, but that's just wrong.)

look!!! my girl has a cunt!!! aol homepages
That's amazing!

cheerleaders selling guy
I'm sending him out to pick the cotton later.

Ashley Olsen and mary kate, ever been on neopets?
I have a site devoted to nothing but finding the answer to this pressing question.

fucking time photos, google
Pfft.

A Non-Olsen Twins Related Comment:
Hassan on 06-10-2003 @ 07:35 AM CDT says: "absolutely correct"
(This makes a lot more sense when you read the comment above it. I like to picture this person as Ed McMahon. "That is correct!")

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June 10, 2003 @ 12:50:04 AM

porns covered in shit while fucking
I hate when I get my porn dirty in the throes of passion.

Pics Of Mary-Kate Olsen With Brown Hair
Is there no end to these random Olsen twins searches?

www.pregnant nude women with teen pregnant girls.com
That sounds like a fun convention.

www.bad ass buddy icon icons that dont suck
I love this one. I just love it.

pirates eye patches sun?
No, it's because he lost his eye in the war.

sucking pig
Not to be confused with sucking ass.

pics of tattoos.....on the butt
The periods are there... to build suspense.

"diaper" "eat my cum"
"Yes, diaper! Eat my cum! Eat all of our cum!"

Her 13 year old cunt was tight
But was it tizzight?

crazy millie nude pics
Thouroghly Crazy Millie kind of sucked. There's a lot of nudity, though, if you're into that sort of thing.

good look nude 10 years old grils school pic
I never sent my grill to school. Maybe that's the problem.

pics free
It's nice to see you know exactly what you want, but you'll find more if you broaden your search.

Yes, I Did Get More Olsen Twins Comments:
nolan on 06-09-2003 @ 10:19 AM CDT says: "your a fag mary-kate and ashely are the hottest girls ever i mean i two years they will have nude screen savers of them every where"
(Let's give this kid first prize at the Grammar Rodeo! I'm not sure why the twins will want nude screensavers of themselves, but whatever floats their boats.)

brandon; 06-09-2003 @ 11:44 PM CDT says: "i have 125 pics of the olsen twins nude!!!!!!"
(He came here on a search for mary-kate and ashley nude. I am so not buying his claims.)

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June 08, 2003 @ 11:47:31 PM

mom show me how cum
"And then she taught me how to spell it!"

+"mike tyson" +"suck my cock"
+"ouch"

ladies want to fuck me
... but true love waits.

wife doing meth sucking tits
Is that a common side effect?

Irish site for Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Nude
Or, you can find any MK&A site and make it Irish by adding alcohol.

girls posing on phone nude pics
Is it a giant phone?

i fucked your grandma chris
How did Chris take it?

camel cum pics -toes -toe
Your desire for camel cum is a little unusual.

gay butted men pic
Only the butt is gay.

unaforms
*snort*

monkey trouble shirts
Thank you, searcher. That made my day.

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June 08, 2003 @ 12:06:44 AM

"biker mice from mars" + episodes + download
When it rains Biker Mice requests, it pours Biker Mice requests.

pamela anderson having sex with someone nude pictures
Doesn't make them no nevermind who. I'd like to see her with Urkel, myself. (Jaleel White in his Urkel character. I know Urkel isn't real.)

i need to have sex with a nud girl
And you need to perfect your spelling of the word "nude."

free I need sex I want you girl pic foto photo image
Why allow for a Spanish version of "photo" when you've included no other Spanish words in the search?

Thing I suck
I believe this person is sharing his feelings of self-loathing with an Addams Family character.

mothra + fetish + model -godzilla
You don't think Hideki Matsui is sexy?

pics of 13 year old girls with close on
That's as stupid-looking as when someone is hoping to "loose" weight.

one pitcher of cum
This reminds of that PillowMail story I created.
"A white wine spritzer for me, and gay cum for you!"
"Turducken for me, and gay cum for you!"
I had a whole gay cum theme going.

clothed women laughing at nude men with small penis
That sounds a little rude. I think I'll forward him some spam to help him enlarge his microprick.

"football crotch"
Is that anything like trench foot?

Even More Comments About the Olsen Twins:
hate on 06-07-2003 @ 11:26 AM CDT says: "i hate mary kate and ashley"
sdfsfsfs on 06-07-2003 @ 11:27 AM CDT says: "fucking bastard mary fucked up kate ashley bastard they r gay and shit"
("hate" and "sdfsfsfs" are the same person! Can you believe it? It's some fucking shit bastard fucked up bastard shit, right there and gay and shit.)

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June 07, 2003 @ 03:35:51 AM

cartoon lasagna with eyes pictures
I'm considering launching a site dedicated to cartoon lasagnas, with or without eyes.

"trout fishing in america" .wav
Do you need to hear how it's pronounced?

disturbing sexy pirate man
It's disturbing because he's missing that arm.

rape+babes+hang+pics
rot+in+jail+OR+hell

valjean coin
The opposite side depicts a loaf of bread.

pretty much
Yeah, more or less.

I want to see thirteen year old girls getting horny and sucking dick
You want to go to a junior high school dance?

chalsi clinton fully naked and nude
That's a horrible misspelling of "Chelsea." And I think most people would settle for seeing her naked or nude, not demand both.

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June 06, 2003 @ 12:04:55 AM

girls with tongue-rings suck
I'm no fan of tongue rings, either, but that's a little harsh.

9 month pregnant woman rape by dog pics
Yeah... that's just wrong, and overly specific.

hmm tasty sluts
Hmm?

fine as hell nude.com
I'll "dot com" you!

corn jpg insert
Are those in the Donruss Classics?

photos the fat boys to sex
Not just any fat boys. The fat boys. To sex!

erotic granny fanfiction
I see a lot of Mary Sue style fan fics involving Erotic Granny.

hunk poke out dick pic
He punched it right out of the cardboard.

grandpa boy girl dog fuck lick
stupid search random words hand staple forehead dog

REAL WAY GETTING DOUBLOONS!(ON NEOPETS)!
FROM COLTZAN'S SHRINE!(THAT'S THE ONLY PLACE I'VE EVER GOTTEN ANY)!

MST3K download episodes gumby
There's always The Digital Archive Project.

i let my dog fuck my underage daughter
Why?

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June 04, 2003 @ 08:55:57 PM

may/2003 sex "sex picture" -update -statestic
I'm guessing they meant "-statistic." That seems a bizarre thing to exclude, even if you spell it right.

sexy twins and a dog dvd
And they fight crime!

the rugrats all having sex porno pics
There is, after all, nothing hotter than unattractively drawn cartoon babies in an orgy.

"onion booty", Sarah
"freakish nipples", me

eric fake gay pics
I guess they aren't concerned with it being any specific Eric, just so long as the pics of him are gay and fake.

"i take"and" pictures of me "and"woman"and"nude"
But do you combine them all into one?

xxx girls on fords
Not to be confused with girls in fjords.

cartoon monkey have phonesex
Is that a command? "Cartoon monkey, you get in there and you have some phone sex!"

Yet Another Olsen Twins Comment:
Ramon Fregoso on 06-03-2003 @ 11:04 PM CDT says: "Mary-Kate and Ashley suck my dick, there fine lady's their beautiful I wish I Can see them naked"
(I think he's telling them to suck his dick, and not saying that they do. As for the rest of the comment: Over there, fine lady is beautiful, belonging to the Olsen twins! He wishes, and he can see them naked.)

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June 03, 2003 @ 04:51:43 AM

search requests part ninety three
Hmm...

12 year old boys nude have sex and sucking dick and show there dick off
Over there! Dick off!

www.15 inch dick for girls
That's a damn big strap-on.

Ivanna Humpalot nude pictures
I think that name eludes to sex.

grils ass hold
Google: "Did you mean: girls ass hold"
Yeah, because that clears it right up.

A Comment and a Comment:
caron on 06-02-2003 @ 09:38 AM CDT says: "haha! i just got your page because i put one of these search requests into google myself! its the 'love is monkey' one. Its a Japanese cartoon by the way, with stationary and stuff. hehe"
(Thanks! This probably also explains all those hits for "monkey is love" and "I love monkey." Well, maybe.)

???? on 06-02-2003 @ 04:02 PM CDT says: "marie kate and ashley r the hottest in the world!!!!!!!"
(He doesn't know his own name, and, apparently, isn't too clear on Mary Kate's, either.)

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June 02, 2003 @ 02:40:16 AM

naked boys pictures very young ice gallery little underage love boy
Ice, ice baby. Naked boys pictures very young ice, ice baby.

lovin underage pussy
Hatin' on playas.

doctor girl woman nude breast
If my name was "Girl Woman," I'd probably change it.

"The Sims Objects" + Wood Closet
My Sims would love a wood closet!

screwing your cock into a watermelon
Is it sharp enough?

girls eating dog and cow shit
I may be able to get you girls eating bear shit. Will you settle?

al & wife june hrabosky'
I think someone is excited about the Mad Hungarian Legends Classic.

"me and my wife suck"
Perhaps you should find a healthy way to raise that self esteem.

in the bed with grandpa
... is Grandma?

hat grils.com
So put that in your pipe and smoke it!

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June 01, 2003 @ 02:40:30 AM

grils fuck me
They only grill food for me.
(Note: Still a somewhat amusing hit without the misspelling.)

incest pics: my mom in a whorehouse
Of all the available whores, you decided to buy your mom?

how old does a girl have to be to cum
Thirty.

teacher+glasses+porno+sex
Apparently, glasses are an important part of the searcher's teacher porn fantasies.

V.C. Andrews spanking
A brother/sister spanking, I assume.

"dobie gillis" +slash
"Maynard, maybe all my girl troubles can be traced back to my attraction to you."
"Like, cool, Daddio." *plays bongos* *sex commences*
"'Cuz Dobie wants to have a guy to call his own!"

gamera with simpsons
I hear Gamera is friend of children.

dead and gun kill fun porns cartoon pics
I hate when fun porns cartoon pics are senselessly killed.

curious 3 year olds nude
No.

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