Friday, 08-10-01

I've had many a vivid dream lately. The most exciting of them involved my co-writing a play with Norm MacDonald. In another, I recovered some old files from the geocities site. I was inspired to read through my archives and record my findings. (Obviously.)

Facts:

Number of Entries: 249
Number of Locations They've Been At: 6 (geocities, xoom, no-moon, angelfire, freespeech, tasty-pirate)
Number of Broken/Defunct Links: 63
Number of Spelling Errors I Caught: 18
Number of Times I Cringed With Embarrassment for Posting Something: 17

Number of Entries In Which I've...

Mourned the Loss of the Geocities Entries: 4
Declared that TV Sucks: 11
Missed the Chat Room: 11
Declared I Have Nothing to Say: 11
Gone Into Detail About Cleaning My Room: 19
Declared My Love For Pie: 23
Longed For the "Good 'Ol Days": 25
Been Annoyingly Angsty: 31
Complained About My Page's Design/Discussed a Redesign: 35
Complained Entirely Too Much About Health Problems: 40
Been Watching/Going to/Getting Back From a Game: 41

And I really need to shut up about how much or how often I sleep. Like I'm going to read back through those moments of my life and care.

These are all things that, while reading through the entries, made me laugh. I'm not sure why.

"I guess I'll just have to throw batteries at Drew. I still don't really get what they were going for, there - maybe they heard that his Walkman died or something." (08/13/99)

"I don't have a good title yet, but I'm thinking something along the lines of Urkel Tries to Get Two Aliens Back to Their Home Planet, While Raising the Olsen Twins On His Own!" (08/26/99)

"The Red Sox are going to think that they're in prison, what with these umpires repeatedly fucking them up the ass." (10/17/99)

"Welcome to Goettersville!
Population: Her" (10/21/99)

"And, for the record, Eisenhower won that football game. GO PANTHERS! They never mention that on the reports." (11/10/99)

"Dr. Sbaitso would be saying "Stop being so negative, Fuck" to me right about now (assuming that I put my name in as "Fuck")." (12/18/99)

"Hunter as Martin makes me feel really, really bad for Bertrande - it would be pretty hellacious to be married to him and not be able to get him in the sack. I would think that Satan was involved." (02/22/00)

"Beware the green-dyed crack. It might not be healthy." (03/17/00)

"I can't see [Rick Ankiel] without thinking about that time we trained a fat woman for Olympic figure skating in my dream." (04/09/00)

"I guess Journey is right - I shouldn't have stopped believing." (09/05/00)

"Chris freakin' Pronger, that place is crowded!" (09/27/00)

"Hi Michael,

Don't forget that Bill's Pie &Chicken Day is 11/18!" (11/06/00)

"Why didn't you tell me Meatloaf was playing Enjolras?" (03/12/01)

"'We don't let people feel the packs,' said the woman at the card shop, as she stood next to stacks upon stacks of porn." (05/15/01)

Here's the entry in which I mentioned the story behind tasty pirates.

And, of course: Best Entry Ever

 

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