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08/26/99
I've been looking over the new fall schedule, here, and I just don't like what I see. Must TV forever suck? I did do some serious brainstorming, though, and I came up with two new shows that I think have a chance. The first show is about Family Matters' Urkel, trying to get JarJar and his gay lover, played by that alien creature from the Pepsi ads, back to their home planet. Also, he will be struggling to raise the Olsen twins as a single father. Each night, Family Matters' Carl, the cop, will show up to investigate the strange goings-on at the house, often caused by JarJar's hilarious antics. I don't have a good title yet, but I'm thinking something along the lines of Urkel Tries to Get Two Aliens Back to Their Home Planet, While Raising the Olsen Twins On His Own! - Coming this fall on ABC - TGIF! My next show will be a weekly biography of a randomly selected baseball player. It will be entirely fictional, and show the obstacles that they had to overcome to get to the top. I don't have any real plot, but every episode will begin with a child running up to the player and saying, "Wow! Baseball star so-and-so!" "I haven't always been a baseball star, kid..." And then, it's into the 50-minute flashback. Each episode will include such moving lines as "You can't hurt me anymore, Dad!"; "I don't have any dreams. They all died with my mother."; "Maybe my best just isn't good enough!" "You'll always be a loser, son. Now get back to work before I beat you again."; "Well, this drink's for you, Dad! *breaks whiskey bottle against tombstone*. Anyway, all of the stories end with Willie Stargell giving the featured star a pep-talk about how they should follow their dreams. It's powerful stuff. I'm thinking I so have a future in the business.
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